The Sin Eater 26: Rabbits

“Just let me lay here for a minute. Trashy’s trying to make me scare everybody off. I just need to lay here long enough for her to leave. I don’t want everybody to leave. I want to be right here. On this bed. Next to you,” Artist whispers to Bekah.

A floppy drunken hand plops on his face and gently strokes it, “Oh, really?”

“Yes, right here. This is where I want to be. I’m gonna give you the bed when she leaves. I don’t have to stay here but—”

Bekah grabbed my arm. “Don’t leave.”

One of the greatest things an American ever did was write a book called Of Mice and Men. His name was John Steinbeck and his work is here with me right now.

I’m destroying my childhood hero. His legacy is the Sin Eater. This is what the world will remember him for. But as I write it, I am still that kid sitting across from him at McDonald’s, eating a hamburger and a hot fudge sundae. A strange thing happens when someone does what I am doing right now. You see the entire thing all laid out before you. The entire story and all of its moving pieces. You can begin to trace all of it back to the beginning, but that doesn’t help. You need to see the explosions and crumbling as you patch things together.

This is not a story about one man’s darkness. It’s a story about a family and the legacy they left behind, the future of that family, and how to stop the poison once and for all right here in this spot. Here in my generation, we need to take a look at what we grew up in and say, ‘No more.’

Then we need to cry, scream, and cry again. We need to do everything we can to make this stop with us. Dewdrop has spent her entire life preparing to break the cycle. She stands firm and hard, but to read this will hurt her. To read this will hurt every one of the members of this family. I ask you all please, those of my generation, don’t look away.

And learn how to rescue yourself.

Of Mice and Men is about two men traveling the country during the depression, looking for work. One is huge and powerful and can lift anything, but he has the mind of a child and cannot take care of himself. The other is the man who cares for him and loves him. Not like a son. Not like a pet. Just as a guardian, a friend and so much more. These two men are tied together, and though they are walking and begging and scraping for any work they can find, they still have a dream.

The smarter man makes a goal for them. One day they will have a home. They will have a farm of their own with land, and there will be plenty. And on that day, they will have a hutch filled with rabbits, so many rabbits, and the simple man can play with them and touch them and love them as much as he wants. The caregiver may not believe this future, but he tells it to the childlike man anyway.

All through the book, when the bigger man starts to get upset or when they are just sitting around talking and laughing, the simple man will say, “Tell me about the rabbits.” And the story will be told all over again.

I guess the Porch is Uncle Ball and I’s rabbits. He knew Rose was twisting me up and taking as much of my life as she could. He knew I had no real true love. And he knew there was a boy in here that loved him. One person who remembered what he used to be and still idolized him. And that boy is still in here, still looking for his Uncle Ball. Still waiting for the lunch of a hamburger and sundae.

At the end of the book, the big guy is about to be hurt and the caretaker has to put him down. As he steps behind his greatest friend’s back, he starts to talk about the rabbits. Then with a shot from a gun, all of it ends.

Well, the moment Uncle Ball saw me with Bekah he was shot in the back of the head. He had it once. He knows what it looks like. He knows what a soulmate is because he still yearns for Glass. He knows that nothing will ever be as important as her in my life again.

He loves me too much to break it. He can’t stop it, but he has to stand back and watch as I walk off with my girl, the one built for me. And he can’t come with. All my life he has been asking me to run off with him, move in with him. And now all he wants to do is follow us and stay with me. He knew he would always be the most important person in my life, but the moment he sees her, and the moment he sees my smile, in his heart he knows it’s over.

I know the moment me and Bekah kiss that this is it. I take her all over the place, to meet as many people as I can show her off to, but my uncles are not on that list.

You might remember that she starts dating me and almost immediately has to go on a two-week vacation that has been planned all summer. When she is gone, when she has left and they cannot get to her, I go to see them. We meet at Uncle Wrath’s house.

Rose has already got to them.

“So you think this is it then?” Wrath.

“She is like no one I have ever held.”

“Did you fuck her yet?” Ball.

“No. And that is not the goal.”

“What is?” Wrath.

“I want to marry her. I think I want to marry her.”

“How long have you been together?” Ball.

“About seven days.”

“Your mom told me she was on some trip.” Wrath. “She wants us to talk to you.”

“Why?”

“How many days were you two together before she left on this trip?”

“Three.”

“My God.” Ball.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Wrath said. “How are we supposed to take you seriously now? This is a new thing, and that is fun, but you’re putting too much on it too fast and it will fall apart.”

“When are you going to fuck her?”

“When we are ready.”

“When will that be?”

“Once we have solidified.”

“Do you have any idea what he is talking about?” Uncle Ball said to Wrath.

“He is telling us that he is still a simple-minded kid that lives in a fucking fantasy world of fairies and romance where clouds—”

“Shut the fuck up!” I shouted.

“What did you say to me?” Uncle Wrath. “No one talks to me like that.”

“Do you feel insulted? Do you feel as though you are being disrespected?”

Wrath fell silent.

“Well, upside. She is loaded.”

“What do you mean?” I said.

“She is Bekah Fucking Lynch. Lynch Furniture. Lynch Appliances. Her family owns the town. For fuck’s sake, you at least knew that, right?”

I leaned back in my chair. “Never really been in the store. Never really thought about her being a Lynch. Wow.” I giggled.

“Fuck-stick over here has a millionaire fall on his dick and he can’t even see it,” Uncle Wrath said.

“Look, you’re not getting married until you find out a little bit about her. You’re not going to fall off the edge and drop like you did with that one girl…” He motioned to Ball.

“Draconic.”

“Yeah, Draconic. You’re not going to stumble around staring at the sky. You’re going to think. This is real money here. And you have a hand on it now. Don’t let go.”

At that moment, I was not thinking about the money at all. I was laughing because I could make fun of her now because she was famous.

“She comes back, we meet her. Next day,” Uncle Wrath said.

“When will that be?” Uncle Ball said.

“Seven more days.”

“Good. Try to keep your head on your shoulders, and stop it from drifting into the clouds for seven days, and find out more about her. Talk to her friends and figure her out,” Wrath said. “If this is real and not just Puppy Love, like I’m pretty sure it is, then you have to do your homework.”

Eight days later we are at Uncle Ball’s house. Everything had shifted when Grandpa died. Grandma went to a home for the elderly and Uncle Ball moved into her old place. So now I’m in the room where Stone ruled, and I have the cutest girl in the world sitting next to me, and sitting in front of her are two of the biggest perverts she will ever meet.

Yay!

“You a college girl?”

“Yup.”

“You’re a rich girl.”

“Nope. My grandparents are rich. That is not my money.”

Wrath nodded. He liked that a lot.

Ball scowled. He did not.

“Heard you were in band?” Ball said.

I could not remember if I had told him that or not.

“Yup.”

“What instrument did you play?” Uncle Wrath.

“Clarinet.”

They leaned back and smiled. I couldn’t breathe. They were ready now. They found a corner. They were going to make fun of her and embarrass her. This thing that was just about to happen was the first bad moment in Bekah and I’s relationship. I didn’t have time to brace for it.

“I heard that clarinet players give the best head,” Wrath said.

Ball laughed and grinned at me.

“First chair,” Bekah said.

The air was sucked out of the room. She smiled at them and lifted an eyebrow. Wrath nodded to me.

“I played clarinet in high school,” Aunt Breezy said, running into the room to join a conversation she was not invited to. She had a smile on her face and she looked at Bekah. “I played the clarinet, too.”

“You weren’t any good at it,” Uncle Ball said.

They laughed. Aunt Breezy walked away.

“She is a college girl,” Uncle Ball said. He wanted to talk to me alone and we are now standing on the sun porch, looking at Bekah in the driveway waiting for me. “She is going to go to college and make a lot of fucking money, plus it may not be her money now, but grandparents die. So just keep her happy. Fuck her stupid and you can sit back and let her bring you money.” He bent over to look through the screen door and waved at her.

She beamed and waved back.

They liked her. And Uncle Ball watched me drive off, knowing I was gone. I was not his godson anymore. Now I was Bekah’s man. And I think that’s when he went cold.