Lost Confessions: Living Room 3


Alright, I am almost positive the guy’s name is Patron. I talked to my landlord again today, this time with Marigold herself. She said there were a lot of mixed signs. One guy (Tony) had dark hair ’til the day he died. One guy (her father, Patron) would be wearing a suit and might be carrying a bag or briefcase. So I was like, great. That is just fuckin’ great. This gets even more confusing. But then Mentor showed me a picture of Marigold’s father.

It was him. I can’t really explain it because he didn’t look exactly right. In the picture, he was a little bigger, he had white hair, and he was wearing glasses. But I got the strong sense this was the right guy. The face looked right and the way the guy was sitting made him look like my visitor.

We have been living here for about a year and a half, but I have never seen Patron before. There have been times when I have heard my son in his room at night talking about his cars or his “choo choos” with someone, and Jack has always said it was a ghost, but I just blew it off.

Why now? We just set up our Christmas tree when he showed up for the first time. Maybe he likes Christmas. This is the first time we set up the Christmas tree in the living room maybe. But I don’t know.

Next step is obvious to everyone, it is the thing my wife has told me a few times. What my therapist told me to do, and what RK thinks I should do as well. I have to talk to him. If it is Patron, then Marigold deserves to know. Maybe he wants to communicate something with her. I just don’t know what to say to him, how to begin, you know? It is like, what do you say to a guy who belongs in your house as much as you do? It is his home, too, you know?

If it is him, shit if it is anyone but Jack, I want to help out. I used to live in a low-income housing apartment in Springfield, Mo. It was a place where disabled people came to die. I had recently been diagnosed bipolar, so I fit the disabled part. I lived there for about two years, maybe a little more. When I first got there, I used to see a ghost on the elevator. She was an old lady who just stood in the corner of the elevator. She was there a lot, not every time I got on, but I saw her a lot when I was alone. So one night, I was on the elevator with her, and I just asked her straight out what floor she needed. I got the strong sense to push the third floor button and I did. I saw her get off that night and I never saw her again.

Maybe I can do something like that with him. Maybe I can help out. If so, I hope it becomes clear to me soon.

Before I saw the picture of Patron I decided I wouldn’t react either way in front of Marigold. I thought if I was told my father was not resting in peace, I would be upset. (Well, to be honest, I hope my father does go to the next world after this one. I want to know he is burning in Hell as soon as possible.) But I didn’t want to upset her. As soon as I saw him, a smile crossed my face and Mentor saw it. “That’s him, isn’t it?” he said, and I was nodding before I could stop it. The smile on my face would have told her anyway. I looked at Marigold and I will never forget the look on her face. She covered her mouth and damn near cried. “Oh my god, it’s daddy,” she said.

I tell you this so you know that if this is Jack, he has gone too far this time. He has hurt Marigold and that is not acceptable. If this is him, then he is an evil fuck.

—Shadow, 2008

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