You never got much notice on a thing like this. Maybe a day, maybe two. Rose complained, but the women of the Mocking family have little power, and she knew not to fight it.
“Just remember he’s a pathological liar,” Rose said as I made for the door. “You can’t believe anything that Ball says. Remember that.”
She might have said more, but I was out the door. Uncle Wrath picked us up, me and Ball, a Friday after I got out of school for a weekend I will not ever forget. A weekend burned in my mind, that I will tell you about. It needs to be studied. It needs to be recognized. Maybe you have an Uncle Ball in your family. Watch carefully those around you.
Because they are both evil and, at times, good.
We got on a Greyhound and were off to Milwaukee. See Uncle Savior had project cars, but he also had the respect of every car owner around. If they treated him right, maybe free labor. Maybe if they asked right, they could get their car in his home garage and he would fix whatever problem they had. He did favors, he had to of. Because if you wanted a cheap car, you could go to him. He could get you a deal on just about anything.
So even though the Mocking family had agreed to hate Uncle Savior, they used him whenever it was convenient. Uncle Ball had called Aunt. He needed a small truck, nothing big or fancy but it was time for him to own a truck, and what kind of deal did she think Savior could get him?
Aunt was the one negotiating. She was the one Ball talked to. If he talked to Savior, the price would be, without a doubt higher. But she knew how to sense Uncle Savior’s moods and how to sidle up to her man, lean into his ear, and ask for a favor.
“I haven’t seen it, but if it has a cab, a bed, and it runs good, I’ll buy it for two thousand dollars. See Jesse, I’m smarter than Wrath. Wrath gets those full-sized trucks. He pays out the nose for them. And they guzzle gas and they are too big. No, you gotta think like me. Small trucks can still haul almost anything. They have enough power to get a job done, and I don’t need to be pulling trailer homes, I just need to be able to get things done.” He shook his head. “No, you gotta think like me. You gotta know things like this.”
“Yeah, I guess if that kind of truck is what you are looking for, then I say go get it,” I said. Guardian was scanning. He was looking for a stray eye to catch on him. He was looking for a menacing man to be towering over a tender passenger. Guardian was watching what was going on around him. He had three knives. A folder in each pocket and, tucked in his jacket pocket, a throwing knife.
At times he was perfect with it. At times he couldn’t hit anything. It was Assassin. Assassin could hit anything he wanted to with a throwing knife. And for this trip, distance was what he might need.
“Listen, these busses can get rough sometimes.” Uncle Ball leaned close to my ear. “All kinds of people ride these things. See,” he motioned to a man three seats up sitting in an aisle seat. “See, they have to even let niggers on these things,” he whispered.
“So we have to agree on a system.. You keep a look out and if you see any danger, you let me know and I will handle it. This is our policy. You’re Johnny Eyeballs, I’m Bobbie Whoop Ass.” He snickered and I laughed, too. I thought it was hilarious. “You spot trouble I’ll save your ass. Just stay behind me. They don’t want to get on my bad side. Believe me.”
Guardian looked Uncle Ball in the eyes for a few too many seconds and Ball withered. “Sounds like a plan. We will go with that.”
Uncle Ball talked quietly and he talked at a normal pitch. When he talked quietly, he would lean over and look at the chair in front of him. He would whisper because the thing he was about to say was going to be hideous.
Like this, he talked about the Native American girl he had fucked and how his dick was still wet when Breezy got to it. He talked about the times when him and Breezy would go to pick up their check, and he would walk up to a beautiful woman and chat her up. Get her number, often looking into Aunt Breezy’s face when he did it.
“I’m nailing her friends. I’m nailing her bosses. I got my eye on her sister. One is pretty young, but the other one is gorgeous. I bet she is a slut, too. You can’t have a body like that and not sling it around. They don’t have a great relationship, so if I make up a few lies that Breezy said about her and I get her pissed off, I could get a grudge fuck. Those are memorable. Tell me about this girl Mary. How’s the hunt?”
“We keep falling apart and getting back together.”
“Make up sex. That is the best kind.”
“No, it’s not like that. If we keep breaking up, I am not going to take her virginity. She would regret it if we don’t end up working out.”
“Virginity? How long have you been dating this girl?”
“Almost a year, off and on.”
“Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? Fuck her and you will see. All of this on again, off again will end. You will realize you are done with her and break it off for good. Then your dance card is wide open.”
I shook my head. “Not how I work.”
“God, I can’t believe you. Are you scared? You must be scared. Dude, you’re gonna be bad for a while. I can give you some tips if you want.”
“I’m good.”
“No, listen, you’re not good. You have been getting good shit from me for years and, how old are you now?”
“I’m 18.”
“Eighteen and you are just now in your senior year.” He shook his head. “How did that happen?”
“I failed sixth grade, remember?”
“Oh, I get it. You’re a fucking idiot. School is not for you, buddy. Ought to quit, hit the job market, there is where you are going to find experienced girls. That is when you will get good. Get an older woman and have her teach you. She won’t mind because she is getting young dick, and then you can move on with confidence.”
Eating sin again. Devouring all of the hateful, dirty, skuzzy things this man I loved so dearly was forcing down my throat. In those days, I looked myself in the mirror so often and told myself that if I was just brave enough to tell Aunt Breezy to get away from him, tell her it will never get better and in the end she will lose everything. If I was just brave enough. If I was just honorable enough, I could maybe save her life.
“What if Breezy kills herself?” I nearly shouted. People shifted and looked behind them and around them.
“Keep your fucking mouth shut. If she kills herself I would have to mourn for a while, you know, go on vacation for a bit out of respect. But your grandma won’t let me divorce her. I am never going to be able to make her happy. More importantly, she will never be able to make me happy. And I would get custody of the kids. Mom would be satisfied and it would be cleaner. I’m not trying to be an asshole here, but I pray for an accident just about every day.”
I don’t remember what I said to that. I said something hard. Something that shut his mouth for a few miles. We rode in silence for about twenty minutes and he nodded and looked at me. “Okay, that was a little bit much, I get it. But I’m miserable with her. It is natural to dream about escape, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Yeah, so let’s just change the subject. What is going on with you?”
“Draconic. She is what is going on with me. Every time she sees me, every time I see her, we both melt. I call her all the time just to listen to her breathe for a while. ‘Is it you?’ I will ask her. ‘Yeah,’ she will say.
“Silence for a long time, maybe ten minutes, then one of us will hang up. She is in all the plays, I see her every day, and she just hangs just out of reach. Every move she makes is directed at me. Everything she says, she hopes will get back to me by one of my friends.”
I felt the impotence of Draconic running through my muscles and I just couldn’t take it. I clenched my fist and punched myself in the side of the head.
“Okay, whoa, get ahold of yourself. I know exactly what this is.” He shook his head. “At least you’re not a faggot. Me and Wrath talk about it all the time. The writing, the plays, the fact that you never get laid. The fact that you have not even started getting numbers. Yeah, we have wondered for sure.
“I get it. You’re telling me you’re not a faggot, I get it. But look, I saw her.” Ball swallowed real hard. His hands started to shake and it looked like he was going to be sick. “She is, well, she is really… Me and Wrath saw her, your mom told us about her and I gotta tell you, buddy, you are getting played. That girl is just toying with you. She is, well she is—”
“Gorgeous.”
“She is a looker, but you gotta start small and work up to a piece of ass like that. I bet she is giving it to better men. All the—”
“Better?” Artist said.
“No, I didn’t mean better, I just meant more experienced. Look, she wants to hand her pussy to you, but she knows you’re not up to her level yet. You get a few under your belt and she will give you a shot. Trust me. I know.” He shook his head. “I warned you so many times about girls like this. Until you are a real man, she is just a cock tease. Nothing worse. You gotta stay away from them.”
“I have three knives on me right now,” I said staring at the chair ahead of me. “Three. Right, left, and breast pocket. If you say one more word about Draconic I will take a finger.”
“No you won’t. Shut up. You don’t scare me. You think you’re man enough to kick my ass? You can’t even get laid.”
Click.
Flash, the light of the blade glimmered across his face and he pulled back. He said nothing. He just stared.
“No more Draconic.”
“Put that away. We will get kicked off of this bus and end up in Butt fuck, Illinois, if you don’t get yourself under control.”
The knife was not put away. It disappeared.
“I’ll change the subject, but I am not wrong.”
Guardian turned to him, “Pinky.”
“Fuck you.”
And we rode. We made time and the conversation changed. No more eating sin, no more being slapped with perverse thoughts. I had my Uncle Ball back, just like that. He started making me laugh. I started making him laugh. Shadow popped out and started making the people in the row next to us laugh.
“You try traveling with him,” Uncle Ball said as he looked around me at the girl sitting by herself. She had a baseball cap on, long hair in a pony tail. She was sitting cross-legged in the two seats and she smiled at me.
Guardian nodded.
“God, you’re an ass magnet. The girls are begging for it, dude. Wrath says you’re a lost cause, but I’m not giving up on you. First lay is going to come soon, then you’ll be hooked.”
“How is it going with Little Man?” I asked. I wanted to feel as close to him as possible. And talking about the stepson he was raising was as close as we ever got.
“He is an alright kid.” He looked at me and pointed. “I’m doing right by him. It doesn’t matter how old you get, you could always come to me. Mumble is no kind of father. Me and Wrath talk about it all the time. He thinks I’m an idiot for raising Little Man, but you know, right? You know that I am that kind of guy.”
“You’re proving it. Hey, let me ask you…” This was Joe and he needed the answer to this question. The answer he was getting from Rose was hurting his soul. He needed to hear the truth this time. And although Rose’s last words when I left the house were warning me about his lies, still I trusted him. Still, I thought he was good. Still, he was my Uncle Ball. The coolest man I knew as a child. I wanted that guy back. I wanted the Uncle Ball hug and the McDonald’s Children’s Booklet.
“You work until about four A.M., then you come home, fuck around a little, and are asleep by when on average?”
“Six.”
“How many hours do you sleep?”
“About six, sometimes seven.”
“So you get up at noon?”
“I try to,” he said.
“Aunt Breezy brings the kids to the house for day care at seven in the morning. You could pick them up by 12:30. Where are you?”
He put his fingers to his temples and he shook his head. “Okay, I need to go over this with you when Uncle Wrath said it not five days ago. Those are her kids. She wanted to have them and she got them. I gave her Dewdrop, and she brought Little Man. She wanted kids, she has to take them with her when she leaves. I’m a man, not a fucking babysitter. She has to wash the dishes. Which is rare. Laundry, rarer. She needs to cook for the house. She is the woman, man, that is how God intended it. Not much stuck in that Lutheran School, but that did.” He looked at me and shook his head.
“You are a man, you gotta learn this shit. You bring in the money, she does everything else. Plus what am I supposed to do? bring my kids to a woman’s house to get a lay?” He shook his head again. “That worked once. But not again. Girl was baby crazy. I brought Dewdrop to her house to get her going. Kid cried halfway through and the cries turned the girl on. It was great, but that doesn’t work all the time.
“No, I got shit to handle and I work the night shift. All I have are my afternoons. No way. No babysitting for me.” He smiled. “Man, Rose is really getting in your head. Dude, you’re 18 now. Come live with me I’ll find room for you. We gotta get you away from that woman. She will turn you into a pansy.”
We got to Uncle Savior and Aunt’s house at about four in the morning. Bus was about a 12-hour trip if you consider the two-hour layover in Chicago.
Now Chicago is a beautiful city. I have been a few times, and I have driven through it a few times. Some things in Chicago are breathtaking.
Not the bus station at one A.M. Homeless people are sleeping in the chairs, trying to get out of the growing cold. Drug dealers are around plying their trade. Busses do attract the roughest crowds. Most people can’t afford a plane ticket, or gas enough to go long distances. They are stuck taking busses. The working class take busses. And that can be a rowdy bunch sometimes.
Everywhere we went, Uncle Ball walked half a step behind me and to my right. When I had to go to the bathroom, he was in the stall next to me. Silent. No sound of a stream hitting a stream. Guardian knew he was scared. He slapped the stall door between them, buttoned, zipped, and met Uncle Ball outside the stalls.
When we got to Uncle Savior’s house, Aunt was sleeping on the couch. She let us in and disappeared. Before she did, she groaned out, “Covers on the couch and on the floor, pillows too. You guys fight over who gets what.”
“Cool,” Uncle Ball said and he waited until she left the room. “Alright, I am gonna take off.”
“What, where are you going?”
“Got a thing I gotta do. You’ll be safe here. Don’t worry.”
“What do you have to do? Where are you going?”
He rolled his eyes and giggled. “I’m going over to your Aunt Easy’s house.”
“I don’t have an Aunt Easy. My aunt’s name is Breezy.”
“Not tonight. Look I’ll be gone for three hours and then we are out the door and on the road. Told your mom I would get you back home in time for church on Sunday. Get as much sleep as you can. You’re Johnny Eyeballs, remember? And you gotta keep me up when I get tired. And after this, I’m gonna get tired.”
Out the door. I gathered up the covers and tried to get some sleep.
My head was swimming. Too much sex, too much sin. Too much smut had been eaten. But for so long during our trip, we had laughed. He wanted to hear about my crazy friends. I told him about the Degenerates and how we pretty much ruled everything in the counter culture of the school. My reputation kept everyone from fucking with them, and they were so worth hanging out with. He listened to stories about Harvard, about Walleye, about Katty and how cute she was. He listened to stories of Writers Club and he laughed and smiled at all of it.
“You’re pretty badass, aren’t you?” he had said, and he let me be tough in that moment. Let me feel like a man and like I had my shit together. He talked about the way I looked walking around with them. He didn’t get it. He would not hang out with a crew like that, but somehow I made it work. He admired that.
He talked a lot about me coming to move in with him, and the sex talk died to a hum. Every now and then the perverse would rise up, but Shadow had proved pretty deft at getting around it. Changing the subject. He was learning how to handle Uncle Ball, and as he dropped into that couch, he just tried to hold onto the good and forget all about the sin.
I was not asleep when I heard keys and the door swung open. The huge bulk of Uncle Savior walked in, and as I turned to look over my shoulder, he grinned. He had a grocery bag and he laughed.
“You’re awake!” he whisper-shouted. “I was hoping to catch you.”
Propped up on an elbow and, “What’s up, Uncle Savior?”
“Well I heard that you were going to be in town for a while. I figured Ball would be busy, so I brought this. Can you stay awake? I want to show you something.”
“Yeah, I would love to. What ya got?”
“Okay, so tonight you and I are going to watch my favorite movie. And I brought snacks.”
He dropped the bag on the coffee table and gutted it. Candy, soda, cakes, everything a good movie night needs, and he pulled a ragged VHS tape out of the bag.
The cover was rugged but so was the art. It looked like a horror but there was a mushy face and blue and black coloring. It was in such bad shape that there was no distinguishing what I was looking at.
“What is that?”
“Basket Case,” he whispered. “Dude had a head growing out of his shoulder and he had it removed and put it in a basket and it starts telling him to kill people.” He laughed. Almost like a child.
“Sounds iffy.”
“It’s not iffy, Jesse, it’s terrible. The worst movie ever made. It’s great. Come on, watch it with me. I got all the stuff.”
So we watched the movie that never should have been made. He laughed a lot. He shook his head, pointing out terrible special effects, and after about thirty minutes, I got it. After thirty minutes, I knew that me and Uncle Savior had something odd but special.
“Called Char tonight,” I said when the movie dropped to static and we laid back on the couch.
“Why?”
“Well the last time I saw him, I told him I would try to make it work.”
“Why?”
“Yeah I get it, anyway, I told him I was in town for a few hours and did he want to hit George Webbs and talk, and he blew me off. Didn’t want to get out of bed.”
“Gonna tell you what you already know,” Uncle Savior said. “That is a man that not even a stiff ass kickin’ can save.”
“I can give him one,” I said.
“Look at you,” Uncle Savior whispered as he waved a hand over me. “Look at you. Of course you can, and in my opinion, you should, but it won’t help him.” He turned to face me in the gloom of a riotous TV screen covered in the corpse of our movie night.
I turned to face him. “Look Jesse, take this as gospel, because it is. I know from experience. There are some guys out there that just need an ass kickin’ to set them straight. They get too full of themselves, they get cocky, they start hurting people and they don’t care. Those guys need an ass kickin’ to reset their mind. They need to be brought back down to Earth and taught who they really are and what they really should be doing. They need the asshole beat out of them. More times than not, once they heal up and start thinking, they will thank you for it.
“Then there are the other guys. Nothing will get through to them. You have met a few. Char is one of them. You kick their ass and they just crouch and whimper and come back more crafty. They have cowardice and wickedness in their blood. Their mind is infested with it. Nothing you do can help these people. Stay away from them, and defend yourself. Never back down but don’t seek them out. Let them rot in a corner thinking they own the world until they rise up against you.
“They come at you, they come at your family, you break their spirit and you break their will, but don’t expect them to reset. It’s a way of life for these guys. Stay away.”
When Uncle Ball got back to Uncle Savior and Aunt’s house, they didn’t ask him where he had been, but he told them what he had rehearsed. “Yeah, so me and Metal Head haven’t seen each other in years, and if I was in town and didn’t tell him, he would be furious.”
“Sure, good,” Uncle Savior said. “Here are the keys. Where’s my money?”
“Well we went out to George Webbs and had a burger, a few drinks, and—” He laughed with himself. “That dude is crazy. Looks like a dirty mop with that hair but—”
“Is that my money?” Uncle Savior snapped.
“Yeah, here.” He handed over the envelope. “2,000 just like we said. I’m telling you, Savior, you are robbing me blind but I guess thank you.”
“Give him the keys,” Uncle Savior said. “Look Jesse, it was a blast hanging out with you tonight. Thanks. Hope to see you soon.”
Uncle Ball looked at me like I was a traitor and we walked out the door.
“What did you two do last night?”
“Watched a movie. Talked.”
“Dude, Jesse, fuck that guy. He beats your aunt, don’t you know?” We walked across the street where a small navy blue truck waited to be driven back to Waynesville. “You can’t talk to that guy or trust him. You love your aunt, don’t you?”
“Of course.”
“Good, then fuck that guy. Always.” Uncle Ball dropped into the driver’s seat and reached over to unlock the passenger door.
“Hey, what did he say to you anyway? What was that about?”
Guardian stopped. He took a breath and he let it out. He turned to look at Uncle Ball with a hard look. “He told me who and when to fight.”
“He is a pansy. Fuck that guy.”
“He’s right in there, Uncle Ball. Go tell him,” Guardian said pointing at the front door.
“I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Some guys, you just stay away from. They are bad people and they will bring you down.” Car started instantly. “Cool, I got a good little steal here.
“Anyway, your Aunt Easy said hi. She made me tell her a bunch of crap about you. She was real chatty until I stuff myself in her mouth.” He laughed. “After we were done she wanted me to go get you so she could hang out with us, but I smoked a joint with her and we just hung out. She says hi.”
Shush started trembling. He saw flashes and images and he gagged, but he turned toward the window when he did it.
“Listen, you fucked up big talking to Savior and hanging out with him.” Out of the old neighborhood, away from the Mocking Family house and out into the world. We left Uncle Savior and Aunt behind and he pointed at me. “You fucked up. I have your back always, so I am not going to tell Wrath, Rose, Grandma or Stone what you did when you hung out with him and listened to him, alright? Wrath alone might kill you. But if I ever hear of you enjoying time with that guy again, we are going to have to knock you down a peg and remind you who you belong to.”
I looked out the window and we left Milwaukee behind.
We stopped at a diner and had a steak. I ordered mine well done. All I knew about a steak was what Rose had taught me. Pound it as flat as you can get it with a kitchen mallet and fry it until everything is cooked. Then ketchup.
Uncle Ball order me a medium, and that is how I eat them to this day.
We stopped at a motel when we couldn’t go on any longer. We talked about baseball and smut. I talked about love and fantasy. He laughed at me a lot and I ate all of his sin.
When it was time to get up, I pulled out my shaving stuff and headed to the shower.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, you’re shaving with a blade? We all told you electric razor, no blade. You use an electric razor and your hair never gets thick enough for you to need a blade. Blades are a pain in the ass. Let me see your face.” I walked to him and he ran his hand against my stubble. “Fuck man, you already fucked up your face.
“No way Mumble taught you right, look at this. Permanent handle, disposable blades. No shaving cream, no after shave.” He fumed. “God, you need to be taught right. This is what you need.” He grabbed my razor and tossed it in the trash.
He took me in the bathroom and pulled his shaving cream. “See, like this and then against the grain. Holds the hairs up so the blade can cut them right. You don’t have to use a permanent razor because these work just fine and they are cheaper.” He shook his plastic disposable razor at me. “This is all you need. When you are done, you jump in the shower, hot as you can stand it, and let that water hit your face. It will singe the tips that you didn’t get, and then you hit yourself with as cold as you can and it snaps all of your pores closed.” He walked over to the sink. “Then a little bit of this. The ladies crave this shit.” He patted cheap cologne on his face and smacked his cheeks. “And you’re done. Who taught you how to shave?”
I waited until he walked out of the room and I could slam the door behind him. “Uncle Savior taught Aunt how to shave, and then she came and taught me. I was allergic to every shaving cream I used, so I use soap. And Rose says I’m allergic to after shave, so I don’t use it.”
He stood there trying to figure out what I had just said and I slammed the door. Shower, no shave with my razor in the trash, and I’m out into the room.
“I don’t fucking believe you. You put down the electric razor we gave you and picked up a blade for him?”
I just grabbed my bag and walked out.
All of his righteous indignation ran right out of him when he looked into Assassin’s face as he passed.
“God, I can’t believe Rose let you learn to shave from that asshole.”
When we were on the road we stopped and watched a comedy. Something hilarious with Eddie Murphy I think. Me and Uncle Ball adored Eddie Murphy. Then we hit the road.
“Tell me about your plan if you graduate high school.”
“Army. I want to go to college and can’t afford it, so army. Few years and I’m set.”
“Thought about it, didn’t do it,” Uncle Ball said. “Think you might be too stupid for college, mister razor blade, but no harm in dreaming. What are you going to do in the army?”
“I want to write for their paper, but that job is hard to get. I don’t think I’ll have the grades for it. I am thinking truck driver. Love big vehicles and Brother Hoss will be training me. I’ll be in the area of Waynesville while I train.”
“No, you gotta go MP. Get K-9 unit. Those dogs are badass. You get assigned a dog and you train it and it only obeys you. They can smell if some prick is behind a wall and warn you. Plus there might never be a war, but there will always be crime. Most likely you will get to kill someone.”
“Kill someone?”
“Yeah. I’ve always wanted to kill someone. Not a good guy, but a nigger or a spick. Army is not for me, wanted to be a cop, get behind a badge and I can do anything I want. But not in Milwaukee, too much crime. I need something low key. Might try Waynesville cop or sheriff. Get my chance and take it.” He turned to me and I was speechless. “You kill a man and everyone knows it, and no one will fuck with you.”
One more sin to eat. One more secret to keep. One more time when I was broken by the man I wanted so badly to love. Now I would never be able to respect him again.
We rode home in my coffin of respect for my godfather, and I tried to tell myself I was not like him. How long would I listen to this rot before my beliefs and morals began to decay? Was this level of evil contagious?
I had been eating his sins for so long. Was I becoming like him?
Jesse Teller 
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